Deacon Sea-sup Shim (2-6th Parish, 1-1 Men's Mission)

On the Verge of Committing Suicide in Depression

When a financial crisis swept through Korea as well as much of Asia back in 1998, I risked a great deal of money in stock investment too recklessly. A little later, I had lost not only the principle but also the money others had given me and put me in charge of for their own investment; I was soon sitting on a pile of debt.
In an attempt to recover from the loss, I frequented the trading floor and focused all my energy on it day and night. Yet, the outcome was an increasing debt: I had lost all the money my girlfriend had saved up for the wedding, my brother-in-law's workmen's compensation, and my mother's retirement fund. I felt like I was trapped in a hole I couldn't get out of and ended up coming down with depression, insomnia, and gastraneuria.
I wanted to give up everything but at the pleadings of my girlfriend, I tried to get back on my feet and pay back all the debt by working at a restaurant. However, I couldn't overcome the sense of defeat and guilt and had to drink myself to sleep each night to fight the insomnia. As I steadily lost weight and became skinny, I was forced to quit my job at the restaurant.
At the advice of my sister Deaconess Eun-young Shim, I began working at an insurance company in September 2002. But I showed no real results at work during my first 3 months there as I battled against anthrophobia and self abuse. That November, I married my girlfriend because we could not put it off any longer. And my mother moved in with us because she was stricken down by stroke. My wife had been full of hopes for a happy married life. But whenever I saw her sobbing, asking me, "Is this everything there is to our marriage?" From then on, there was no more laughter in my life. I didn't have an ounce of will or desire to continue living. I told myself I would give up on everything in life, and began thinking about committing suicide.

Receiving Prayer from Rev. Dr. Jaerock Lee

As I consumed myself in thinking, 'This is why people kill themselves,' I remembered my sister's face on which there was always a bright smile. I also remembered the faces of my co-workers who were deacons and deaconesses at Manmin Joong-ang Church and who always seemed to have the highest sales records. Feeling that I had nothing else to lose, I thought, 'Why not to go to church one last time?' and called my sister. I attended the last "Friday All-night Service" of 2002 and received Rev. Dr. Jaerock Lee's "Prayer for the Sick" from the pulpit.In my heart, I yelled out to God. "If You're alive, please save me!" At that moment, my shoulders were stretched out wide and backwards all of a sudden and I felt like my body was caught up in a flame. The very next day, I realized that my depression, difficulty in digestion, gastric ulcer, and insomnia had been healed. Hallelujah!
After experiencing the healing of all my diseases by a single prayer of the Senior Pastor, I could sleep well for the first time in a very long while. All I wanted to do was go to church. When the message was proclaimed, I wasn't aware of how fast the time flew by. I could believe in every word I heard. I used to be always introvert, timid, and idol-worshipping but now, I desperately hope and expect to be renewed.
The parish pastor and parish members visited me to teach me about God in detail as I began diligently attending all worship services. After I began a life of prayer, I could feel my facial muscles moving, soon found myself smiling again, and gained over 20 pounds in 3 months' time. After my first sale since beginning my work at the insurance company, I received my first paycheck, and gave God the whole tithe. I was jealous of nobody in the world.

Overflowing Grace at Home and Work

I always kept in mind that everything I had done was not by my might but only by God's help. In heartfelt gratitude for the Senior Pastor's earnest prayer for me, I wanted to help him financially. From then on, the magnitude of God's work, if anything, surely exceeded my wildest imagination. My monthly income increased from $1,000 to $3,000, $5,000, $6,000, $8,000, and even up to $10,000. When the Senior Pastor was to go abroad to conduct overseas crusades, I fasted for 3 or 7 days and gave the "Mission Offerings" and God would pay me back immediately in abundance. After giving God the "Mission Offering" and receiving the Senior Pastor's prayer last December, I came in first place in the Seoul district office at Shin-han Life Insurance Agency in terms of sales and could give glory to God.
In gratitude for His grace, I am currently carrying my God-given duty as group leader and managing cell leader while my wife serves as cell leader.